did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
