Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
