I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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