That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
