I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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