My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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