***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
