I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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