I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
