Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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