Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
dude i'm inner monologue high
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
