Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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