Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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