She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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