i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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