thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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