upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
