The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
