Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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