ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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