I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
