just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
