The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
