How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
