I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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