She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
