so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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