Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
