cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
