Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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