Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We left the knife in your bed.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Randomize
