What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
