i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
