I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
