My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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