I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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