Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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