Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
