I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
