...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
