I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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