My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
