drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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