Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
