so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
