I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
