I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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