belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
