Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
