My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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