But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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