her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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